The 5 Worst Songs On Actual Spotify Workout Playlists
By Amber 0
So here are the five least motivating songs that I promise are actually on people’s workout playlists. I’m not going to link to any of the proof because I don’t want you doing something really weird, like looking up a stranger’s profile and scrutinizing their tastes. That’s a job for a professional.
1. La vie en rose, Louis Armstrong: Nothing gets me off the couch quicker than plodding upright bass and raspy crooning. A good rule of thumb for working out: Try to avoid all music written before Eisenhower took office. This song gets the top spot in part because it leads off someone’s 298-song, 20-hour long playlist. That’s like packing an entire wine cellar for a 30-minute train trip, taking your seat, and popping open a Natty Lite. You may recognize this song as the music from the meet-cute montage for the two robots in Wall-E. When it comes to mawkish Pixar scores, “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” bangs harder than this.
2. The Scientist, Coldplay: That the music video for this one starts with the lead singer lying down on a mattress should be a dead giveaway. The other song every high schooler can play on the piano is “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” but you don’t see that on any mixes.
3. Since I Don’t Have You, Guns N’ Roses: This pick may not seem so bad at first. GNR has been a workout staple since the Walkman and people love training to rock covers of non-rock songs. I even gave one guy a pass on Phil Collins’ “You Can’t Hurry Love” because it’s quicker than the original. But a Guns N’ Roses cover of a doo-wop standard seems like the ideal song for loitering at the leg press machine. Yea man, you totally listened to that hard rock band while you did a machine set at 250 pounds. But we both know the truth.
4. Kokomo, The Beach Boys: Not much to say except that it was on there twice.
5. If I Needed You, Townes Van Zandt: This is my favorite song. I like to listen to it late at night, wistfully staring out the window. It’s a mournful song about lost love, set to a beat that mimics the rhythm of a walking horse. The challenge in running to this song would be seeing where you’re going with the tears in your eyes. I can only assume this is some kind of mental resistance training, the equivalent of sprinting with a parachute on, in which case this person may be a genius.
Ready for a playlist that’s actually decent? Check out this one.